For the past two weeks now, my little one would meet me at the gate at the end of each working day blurting out, “Happy birthday, mama!”, and then she’d start singing it loud. She does it to her papa as well, but it strikes a chord only with me ‘cos I’m the only one whose birthday is just around the corner.
Of course the little girl has no idea that it’s her mama’s birthday soon and has no clue yet of what birthdays are about. But every time she blurts out “Happy birthday mama!”, I can’t help thinking of sundry things, from realizing that in 10 years’ time I’ll be reaching what they call midlife (no crisis I hope!) and wanting to do new things or at least those that I’ve been delaying, to having a birthday wish-list Here are some of those thoughts.
Wishes for another turn in this woman’s life:
- Have a tower of cupcakes from Cake Avenue on my birthday, just like what Cello had on her first birthday. Keep half of them in the fridge for myself .
- Less pain, whatever the source is. I don’t mind having worries and problems, but pains easily wear me down. Or better yet, be better in handling pain.
- More understanding from the people around me and those I love. I can be moody and temperamental, and someone has even jokingly told me that I could be bipolar. Haha! So yes, loads of understanding for this bipolar woman. And of course, more understanding from moi as well.
- More time with friends. Living and working overseas doesn’t only cause separation from family, but also disconnection from friends if you don’t bridge the distance through constant communication. I’m hoping to see more of my friends back home. And especially hoping to see my bestfriend Bon, whom I haven’t been in touch with since he got married (I think marrying can have the same effect as living overseas. Don’t hate me Bon ).
- More time with my family back home. I’m hoping mama would get tired of running her small business and take a break and join us here for a while. She’s one tireless woman though.
- Have that much-needed change in my career. Deep breath.
- Have better health. I’m starting to feel age physically catching up with me, and my sedentary lifestyle is definitely a hazard. It’s about time I started taking good care of myself. Hmmm this one gives me a sense of déjà vu .
- Be more decisive. This is also a must. I think I’m becoming more indecisive as I grow older. It’s different from being cautious, which they say afflict people as they grow hmm older. It’s worse if you’re both. I think it’s crippling to creativity and to life as a whole. So I should keep in mind this formula: Decisive + Cautions = Bad Idea.
- Read more. Get back to the old habit of buying books. And actually read them. Yes, they can be two very different things. I used to read more books when I was just reading them at Powerbooks in Ortigas after work. I got harassed (some idiot ran his fingers through my back. Yes pervs can be found even in Manila’s supposed to be decent places) one time though while reading a novel so I stopped.
These are more for the long term, in the region of 5-10 years, in my dream
- Get accepted into Cornell University. No I should instead say, get a scholarship grant for Cornell. Or win the lottery in order to afford its history or economics program.
- Build a chic yet homey and breezy vacation house in Puerto Princesa. It has to be surrounded by a well-maintained garden and water fountains. Oh, there should also be a tree house aka spa house. And it has to be at least 50% ecologically friendly.
- Write (or get back to writing) my first novel!
Next time my cellito sings “Happy birthday, mama”, I’ll be thankful she made me sift through the clutter in my mind and set things to do. Now I need to start walking the talk. That’s another story though.
Filed in: bahay kubo